Entering my 38th year in the practice (when did that happen?!), I reflected on all that I have learned over the first half of my career (optimistic, I know). With a head nod to Jim McLaren who wrote: “10 Things I Wish I Knew 30 Years Ago” and Kevin Kelly, author of: “103 Bits of Advice I Wish I Had Known,” let me offer 38 random thoughts about the practice of family law, one for each year of my professional life.
- Professional success comes from focus, risk, and discipline, all in equal measures.
- Professional success is impossible without a supportive spouse. (Arthur Balbier).
- Sometimes you just need to eat your own cooking. Take responsibility for your decisions.
- When you spend more time fighting with the client than the opposition, it’s time to get out of the case.
- Good things don’t result if a client doesn’t trust you. For their sake and yours, end the relationship.
- Return your calls.
- The best revenge: don’t be like them.
- Life’s not fair. Don’t whine. Figure out how to deal with it.
- There is no substitute for long hours at your desk.
- Thinking is the real work of a lawyer.
- Decatastrophize. It’s not that bad. Things will work out in the end.
- Invest in technology and develop solid systems. You can be the most brilliant lawyer on the planet but without these, you can’t succeed in the practice.
- Plan daily, weekly and monthly.
- I’ve never regretted getting out of a case, but often have regretted not doing so.
- Be a lifelong learner. Invest in yourself: take classes, attend CLE, and study didactic books to improve your skills and thinking.
- Don’t ever compromise your integrity or honesty. For anyone.
- Things usually look better after a good night’s sleep.
- Call the client with bad news immediately (their spouse will not hesitate to do so).
- Whatever you put in writing (digital or ink) is saved for eternity.
- When they say they’d rather pay you than pay her, at the end of the case, they won’t want to pay you either.
- Most clients are more willing to pay for hope now, rather than paying out of gratitude after the case is done. “A thirsty person turns their back on the well after their thirst is quenched.”
- The Buddha was right, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
- You are not getting a divorce. (hopefully!) Don’t take it so personally.
- “Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you.” (The Stranger, Big Lebowski). Moderate your excitement and disappointment. Tomorrow’s another day.
- Reliability is the single most important trait for a lawyer. Good judgment is second.
- Humility goes a long way.
- No case lasts forever. Hang in there.
- Stay sane by discerning what you can and can’t control. Disregard everything you can’t control.
- Clients deserve your respect…even when they are driving you crazy.
- Practice extreme preparation. Start early.
- Your job is not to rubber-stamp the client’s wishes, rather it is to help them make good choices considering both their short and long-term interests.
- Like doctors, your first obligation is to do no harm to the client or the family.
- There’s always a move.
- Nobody ever got into trouble listening.
- Understand that today’s fanboy or fangirl can quickly turn into tomorrow’s fire-breathing dragon. CYA everything.
- You are working with people going through the worst experience of their life. Be patient.
- Educate the client at the outset that divorce is messy. It’s not possible to find perfect solutions to imperfect problems.
- Internalize your successes, however you choose to define them.
